"Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

"I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

"I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers."

"Real meaningful endeavours, the biggies in human existence, often require the sacrifice of others."

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

"The Past: Our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as appeal in its glamour. The past is for inspiration, not imitation, for continuation, not repetition."

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all."